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| image by Flora Kontilis |
Between February 17th and 27th I was a
nomad, calling a hotel home for a few nights at a time. I packed up my charming
one bedroom apartment in Santa Barbara and set off for ten days in London and
Cambridge, England. Most of my things are obviously put in boxes and stored in
California; the rest came with me in my one suitcase across the Atlantic. With
that said, I was often struck with this thought: Shuffling between
international airports and cities, I honestly wouldn’t be able to tell someone
where home is. “Where do you live or where are you from?” Well, I lived in
Santa Barbara up until I took a flight from LAX; and I can’t call myself a
resident of any England city so…. After England I’ll be in Italy for a few
months, but again I’m just a tourist. Instinctively I could say, “I live in America(?),”
keeping it quite general and broad. Initially, it seems strange right? I do not
know where I live or call home. Despite this, I feel more content with my life
than I have in years. Embracing this uncertainty has brought an unexpected calm
to me.
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| image by Flora Kontilis |
I should elaborate more. I recently applied to law schools
(across the US) for the Fall 2015 entering class. It can take a few months to
hear back from schools, so I had a chunk of time between submitting
applications and finding out where I get admitted. That’s why I came to Europe.
I wanted to spend this time traveling and living abroad before school life and
a rigorous profession set in. And, that’s why I literally don’t know where I
live or will be living come September, October, and so on. Here’s where I
should preface that I’m a planner. I like things figured out and I really like
timeframes. By timeframe I mean hours, minutes, etc. Call me controlling, yes. Such a luxury has ceased at the
moment. Yet transitioning to my new ambiguous life didn’t scare me. Rather,
this felt bittersweet. I felt my overall time in Santa Barbara was complete,
and I walked away with more friends, love, and memories than I ever, ever
imagined I would. Naturally, I will miss the life I had there, but I recognize
the big, exciting, monumental steps I’m taking next.
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| image by Flora Kontilis |
Looking back to the topics mentioned in my post “Home
Without Walls,” I’ve been able to take on this scary step because of the
supportive friends and family around me. Yet, at the risk of sounding sappy(!),
I think being ok with all this also comes down to my being ok with it. What I mean is that you have to let go of the
supposed to’s and the should’s. The people that matter will embrace what you
choose to do with your life. So, I took a big, big risk: I quit my good, steady
job, put my face in the books for the LSAT and law school applications, and
left the Santa Barbara life I created over 8 years. My friendships didn’t
change, my family was on board, and my boyfriend said, “This is what you’ve
always wanted.” He was right. And now that I’m doing what I truly want to do
with my life (pursue law school and travel), I feel more secure and content
overall.
What I’m getting at is a claim that for me home is not a physical place. True I
don’t know how long I’ll identify with this statement — but right now it fits!
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